Wednesday
Mar302011

New Entries Coming Soon...

Yesterday my husband was meeting with a business associate for the second time. At the end of the meeting, his associate made an offhand remark about Free being a dad.

"Um... No, I don't have any kids..."

"Oh. But your wife hasn't posted on her blog since October."

HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is WAY better than the time a client asked if I was pregnant because my top was overly blousy!

Sadly, my long hiatus from blogging hasn't been caused by anything wonderful and exciting, like a new baby or a book deal. I got really sick in November, and in December I was furiously prepping for our first Christmas as a married couple. In January my job turned soul-crushing, and since then there hasn't been much I've felt like blogging about.

That's the problem with having a personal blog that's not really about anything. If I had a gimmick,* like What Claudia Wore or At Times Dull, I would have an impetus, a raison d'etre, and a formula to follow. Instead, I have to find something inspiring/interesting enough that I want to write about it, and then write something interesting enough to post. Sometimes that's a high bar to clear. In fact, there are several abandoned drafts littering my dashboard, posts I started writing and never finished. Honestly, who really cares that I like Fresh and Easy Rice Pudding with LOTS of cinnamon? Not even me, really.

But my husband's encounter made me think. There are a few things in the past 5 1/2 months that might be worth writing about. So new posts should be coming soon. Hopefully at least one a week. And who knows? maybe I could find a gimmick of my own. Like, I could learn a new circus trick every week. I'm sure the post about juggling chainsaws would be thrilling.

*I don't mean gimmick in a derogatory sense. I very much enjoy those blogs. They are just about very specific topics.

Monday
Oct182010

I Heart Joan and Peggy

For a lot of Mad Men viewers, or at least me, it's always been a little disappointing that Joan and Peggy have never really gotten along. They're both strong and capable women in a very male-dominated world, but they navigate that world so differently and rely on entirely opposite sources of power. They've never really seen each other as equals and that has prevented them from, for lack of a better word, bonding over their shared plight and offering each other support. Until last night, resulting in one of Mad Men's greatest scenes.

Friday
Oct082010

The Coming Robot Uprising

My mother recently turned 50. My dad wanted to have a big party to mark the occasion, which means that last Saturday I threw a really big party. All week I was cooking and baking up a storm. Lemon White Chocolate Cake. Oaxacan Chocolate Macaroons. Compost Cookies. Chocolate Toffee Cookies. Chicken Taco Filling. Hortencia's Tomato Salsa Recipe. (Sorry guys, that one's not online and I'm keeping it to myself for now.) Guacamole. (My own recipe.) And Slow Roasted Pulled Pork. (Same.)

While I was readying the pork for service--pulling it and removing fat and bones--I spilled some molten pork fat on the floor. Quite a bit of it actually. Enough that instead of just ignoring it and letting the boy clean it up later, I decided to just do it myself. I opened the cabinet under the sink and the all-surface cleaner was empty, but I found something called Vinylex. The bottle claimed to clean, seal, and protect vinyl and plastic. We have a linoleum floor. It was a match made in heaven!

I sprayed the Vinylex all over the floor, grabbed a towel, got on my knees, and started scrubbing. This is a big deal. Before we got married I told the boy I would never clean a floor. I won't sweep, vacuum, or mop, so I was pretty pleased with myself for stepping up. The floor seemed to be getting clean, but the Vinylex felt kind of weird, almost like it was leaving a film on the floor. I decided not to pay attention to that, figuring it would go away when the floor dried. Then the boy got home.

"Did you spray Vinylex on the floor?"

Very proudly. "Yeah. I spilled some pork fat and wanted to clean it up so we didn't track it all over the house."

"So you used Vinylex."

Confused that he's not showering me with praise. "Yeah, well we were out of that all-surface cleaner, but I saw this stuff and it said it was for vinyl and plastic, and we have linoleum floors, which I'm pretty sure is almost the same, so..."

"It's for vinyl and leather car seats. It has oils in it to seal the material. You just Armor-Alled the floor."

During clean-up, I would periodically hear thumping noises. "Are you all right?" I'd call.

"Yeah, I kinda slipped, but I caught myself."

Anyway, today FedEx delivered a new Scooba floor washing robot.

Monday
Sep202010

A Wrinkle In Time, Now With 54% More Wrinkles

When I was a kid I didn't sleep much. I had terrible insomnia and averaged about 4 hours a night. My parents and I somehow came to an unspoken understanding: I had to lie quietly in the dark from bedtime (around 8) until I fell asleep (between 11 and 12), but once I woke up (always at 4), as long as I was quiet and stayed in my room I could do whatever I wanted. Of course the list of things a 7-year-old can do quietly in her room is very short. Sometimes I drew pictures or played with my trolls, but mostly I read. Because I was doing all this reading in the wee small hours of the morning, my reading was undirected by any adult and varied widely. I read all the Baby-Sitters Club, most of the Newberry winners, and a few Sweet Valley High, but somehow I skipped the Wrinkle In Time series.

I did read some Madeline L'Engle books. I read a few of the Vicky Austin books (Seriously, how hot was Adam? After the hospital, when he stripped her down to heal her by swimming with the dolphins? Hot.) and I remember loving An Acceptable Time, even though I felt like I was missing something when they talked about Polly's parents and uncles. So a few months ago when I was browsing Barnes and Noble and saw a boxed set labelled "The Wrinkle In Time Quintet" I figured it was time to see what I was missing.

I have always been told that Meg Murry is an amazing female character, someone for girls to look up to and emulate. And at the start of the books, she is a finely drawn picture of a girl nearing the end of childhood, smart, easily frustrated by adults, brave, vulnerable, angry at her lack of control. She saves her brother with her capacity to love. And she names that crappy principal. And gets that farandolae to root, saving her brother yet again. But by the third book, A Swiftly Tilting Planet, she's chosen the sideline. At home and pregnant while her husband presents his research in London, lying in bed kything while Charles Wallace saves the world, occasionally reading the encyclopedia for him like some library assistant. She's absent from Many Waters, and her only mention in An Acceptable Time is when her mother (Nobel Prize winning scientist) and her daughter (general badass) discuss her decision not to pursue a career. They decide it's because she feared being less than her mother. It felt like kind of a letdown. What happened to the girl tessering to distant planets, saving them from the darkness?

And what is the deal with such an abstract villain? While I was reading, I couldn't help but compare these to the His Dark Materials Trilogy, and that's unfortunate. The stories are actually very similar, but Philip Pullman is able to turn abstract concepts into real concrete details. Every world Lyra and Will visit is firmly rooted and believable, whereas L'Engle's worlds, villains, and creatures are vague and amorphous. She does better when she stays on earth and just moves through time. I once heard an SF writer say that it works best when she takes reality and changes one thing. And that one change creates the whole story. This is the case in An Acceptable Time, and it is the best of the series. Meg's daughter, Polly, is living with her grandparents when her neighbor accidentally opens a "tesseract" between her time and 3000 years ago. Instead of interstitial space travel and unicorns and self-sacrificing stars and giant telepathic furballs, there's just the conflict between modernism and ancient superstition. And there's a lot less vaguely Christian Unitarian philosophy.

If An Acceptable Time is the best book, Many Waters is far and away the worst. It's the only book that features the Murry twins, Sandy and Dennys, and with good reason. They don't seem to have personalities. All the prior books tell us is that they're average and have a big garden. In this book we learn that they like to eat and don't like being thrown in trash heaps. Also that they sunburn easily. And at some point while you're reading, you will realize that they have accidentally been transported back to the time of Noah just before the flood. And at that point you will roll your eyes. There are seraphim (good) and nephilim (bad) and all the people are tiny and brown and unicorns follow the uncertainty principle and can only be touched by virgins. And then there's this passage:

She was the most spectacularly beautiful girl he had ever seen. Tiny, like all the people of the oasis. She wore a white goatskin which covered one shoulder. Her hair was a sunburst of red. Her eyes were almond-shaped and as green as the spring grass at home. Her body was perfect, her skin the color of a peach.

Um, you guys? L'Engle just described Wilma Fucking Flintstone.

Friday
Jan222010

The Last Tonight Show

I hope it won't surprise anyone to hear that I am firmly Team Coco. Like a lot of people, I started watching Late Night with Conan O'Brien in college and feel that I've grown up watching him. In Utah they used to do this weird thing where they showed The Tonight Show, then a rerun of Suddenly Susan, then Late Night. I don't have any idea why, but it made pushing through to watch Conan a bit more trying than it would be otherwise. But I always did, and it was always worth it. I came to admire Conan not just for being funny and smart and a little bit weird, but for his graciousness and humility. I think anyone who saw tonight's show saw that on full display. I watched him leave Late Night and was excited to see him move on to The Tonight Show. I loved how honored he was to host a television institution. So it hurt to see the mess NBC made of everything. He'd waited so long and worked so hard. I couldn't imagine what it must feel like for him. But watching him bury the show that was his dream, I remembered something I read a few years back. Here's an excerpt from his 2000 Harvard Commencement Address:

I've dwelled on my failures today because, as graduates of Harvard, your biggest liability is your need to succeed. Your need to always find yourself on the sweet side of the bell curve. Because success is a lot like a bright, white tuxedo. You feel terrific when you get it, but then you're desperately afraid of getting it dirty, of spoiling it in any way.

I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of The Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet, every failure was freeing, and today I'm as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good.

So, that's what I wish for all of you: the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And remember that the story is never over. If it's all right, I'd like to read a little something from just this year: "Somehow, Conan O'Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star in the Late Night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard and Conan himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his generation, but quite possible the greatest host ever."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Class of 2000, I wrote that this morning, as proof that, when all else fails, there's always delusion.

I'll go now, to make bigger mistakes and to embarrass this fine institution even more. But let me leave you with one last thought: If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

Thank you.