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Friday
Oct082010

The Coming Robot Uprising

My mother recently turned 50. My dad wanted to have a big party to mark the occasion, which means that last Saturday I threw a really big party. All week I was cooking and baking up a storm. Lemon White Chocolate Cake. Oaxacan Chocolate Macaroons. Compost Cookies. Chocolate Toffee Cookies. Chicken Taco Filling. Hortencia's Tomato Salsa Recipe. (Sorry guys, that one's not online and I'm keeping it to myself for now.) Guacamole. (My own recipe.) And Slow Roasted Pulled Pork. (Same.)

While I was readying the pork for service--pulling it and removing fat and bones--I spilled some molten pork fat on the floor. Quite a bit of it actually. Enough that instead of just ignoring it and letting the boy clean it up later, I decided to just do it myself. I opened the cabinet under the sink and the all-surface cleaner was empty, but I found something called Vinylex. The bottle claimed to clean, seal, and protect vinyl and plastic. We have a linoleum floor. It was a match made in heaven!

I sprayed the Vinylex all over the floor, grabbed a towel, got on my knees, and started scrubbing. This is a big deal. Before we got married I told the boy I would never clean a floor. I won't sweep, vacuum, or mop, so I was pretty pleased with myself for stepping up. The floor seemed to be getting clean, but the Vinylex felt kind of weird, almost like it was leaving a film on the floor. I decided not to pay attention to that, figuring it would go away when the floor dried. Then the boy got home.

"Did you spray Vinylex on the floor?"

Very proudly. "Yeah. I spilled some pork fat and wanted to clean it up so we didn't track it all over the house."

"So you used Vinylex."

Confused that he's not showering me with praise. "Yeah, well we were out of that all-surface cleaner, but I saw this stuff and it said it was for vinyl and plastic, and we have linoleum floors, which I'm pretty sure is almost the same, so..."

"It's for vinyl and leather car seats. It has oils in it to seal the material. You just Armor-Alled the floor."

During clean-up, I would periodically hear thumping noises. "Are you all right?" I'd call.

"Yeah, I kinda slipped, but I caught myself."

Anyway, today FedEx delivered a new Scooba floor washing robot.

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